Eva: "I wanted to be like all the cool kids in the movies."

Vera: "Yeah, well, in all those movies the janitors use toilet water."

 "There are a lot of discos and I have to panic at all of them." -- Roger Dillon

 "We try to use "day" when referring to the murders." -- Tim Sweeney

 "In summary, frozen grapes good, bullying bad, whiskey all around." -- Lauren Reed

 "If you come into the office, no one can shit in your mailbox." -- Evan Harbuck

 "Sometimes I do just grab a tickle hand...and squeeze." -- Laura Jurasko

 Chris Arnold: "Even Las Vegas was once just a blip."

...

Greg Velichansky: "And it will be a blip again."

 "Aren't we all just liquids in the grand scheme of time." -- Javier Navarro

 "One guy was like, "What if we plug the whale in?" Like, come on, man. We're not animals." -- Ed Saxton

 "There are worse wafts." -- Chez

 Me: "I'm going to go back to listening to KPop."

Crystal: "I'm going to go back to listening to chalkboard sounds."

Laura: "Emos don't play by the rules."

Me: "Emos DONT play by the rules."

Laura: "Neither do emus."

 "I love your body even more when it's filled with corn dogs." -- Laura Mason 

 "To be fair, my mom might be cooler than me." -- Crystal P Lee

 "Who do you talk to when your HR director thanks you for throwing a sausage party." -- Javier Navarro

 "You sound like if the Swedish Chef and Beaker had a baby." -- Laura Mason

 "I don't mind being dumb. I think it's funny." -- Dmitri Shan

 "A volcano is a little less destructive than a children's museum." -- Francisco Souki

Spencer: "I don't wanna eat anything weird."

Me: "What's weird?"

Spencer: "Thing based on beans and tomatoes."

"Eva: I am a fusion of mommy and daddy.

Vera: I am a fusion of Yuffie and technology."

 "Hawaii is hot dogs and your birds are your friends." -- Jess Fiorini

 "A quick strike on the coast sounds great for Nazis until you run into fucking lesbian witches." -- Tim Sweeney

 "Bulging retaining walls was not my prediction." --  Shawn Patton

 "Potato taco. For those who don't want meat but still want diarrhea." -- Joseph Jurasko

 "I'm going to make Grandma Beth proud. I will own a cow. Everyone will love me." -- Veraylnn Mason

 "Krang sees a beefy boy and is like, 'I can't wait to take a ride in that one.'" -- Ash

 "Has it been two years? It feels more like one long stretch of meaningless bullshit." -- Greg Velichansky

 Me: Eva, we all know you're a vampire. I see you walking around at night looking for blood.

Vera: Yeah, and counting!

Conor: "I bet Jesus would have loved trivia."

Gabe: "Yeah, he would have answered the fuck out of some questions."

 "Numbers go to ninety, right? It's not like time?" -- Charlie Amis

Vera: "You threw away most of my stuff!"

Eva: "Most of your stuff is trash."

 "Choosing a movie on a date is not that hard. Just go onto Netflix and click Nailed It. Boom." -- Eva Mason

 "The juice in the pepperoni is part of God's plan." -- Dave Bennett

 "Even hobbos grow up somewhere." -- Laura Mason

 "Beans are the chicken of vegetables." -- Casey Ging

 "What happens in Disney Springs...shows up on our Expensify accounts." -- Tim Sweeney

 "You gonna play Sabacc or are you gonna be a Sa-Bitch." -- Conor Triplett

 "It would be absurd for me to relate the ways in which Popeyes has failed me." -- Tim Sweeney

 "I'm gonna level with you, chief. I didn't watch their damn videos." -- Tim Sweeney

 "You want vertical stiffness but horizontal compliance." -- Evan Harbuck

Joseph: Check your superlatives!

Eva: You check YOUR superlatives!

Vera: Eva, you don't even know what that means.

 "The one ring was edible. If you're Mt. Doom." -- Joseph Jurasko

Me: Sweet tea is famous in Antarctica

Vera: No it's not.

Me: What do you know about Antarctica?

Vera: I know they don't drink sweet tea.

 "What makes hoity hoity and toity toity?" -- Harrison Bennett

Eva: "I had a dream about an evil coconut."
Vera: "Why did you dream about an evil coconut?"
Eva: "I don't know. The dreams provide."

 "Everything has access to your blood stream. Just depends on how hard you push." -- Chris Arnold

 "Happy Conor, happy life, as they say." -- Conor Triplett

 "What is the Veggie Tales equivalent of slaughtering your enemies?" -- Nico Williams

 "Emotion? Out of scope." -- Tim Sweeney

 "What I do with the top and bottom of my meatballs is my business." -- Charlie Amis

 "I don't know. If I was in marching band, I'd want to be Boromir." -- Adam Serdar

 "I live with a side of beef." -- Ana Balliache

 "There's something about a good shaped head and accessories." --  Gabe Sabourin

 "Have you ever seen a picture of Switzerland that isn't filled with happy goats?" -- Tim Sweeney

"Because it's a young dragon, it's going to fortnite dance all over your corpse." -- Lucy Gouvin

"I am so lucky because I am so greasy." -- Chris Arnold

"I can turn you into the hot dog guy if you want." -- Chris Dods

"I can barely keep myself off of men without Axe." -- Ana Balliache

"Aw shit, I would fuck up some Dunkaroos." -- Kirsten Moonan

"You look like a frog man. No, a road man. Frogs don't have beards." -- Laura Mason

"Now that we've talked about Rob Gordon's head, we can begin the meeting." -- Laura Norwicke

"I always feel horrible the next day." -- Tim Sweeney

"Have you ever had ribs inside a tomato and got stupid about rice krispy treats? Welcome to your gas leak." -- Zada Scott

"You think this is my first time at the Ellen Page - Whale Morphing rodeo?" -- Mike Velichansky

"The Scorpion King is just a vehicle for the Rock's biceps." -- Di Davies

"Movement is not the same as dignity." -- Tim Sweeney

"I'm an impressive potato." -- Abby Ince

"We'll bless our decks with Dorito dust." -- Rob Gordon

"There's not enough bad things you can do to Gabe." -- Ryan Hall

Me: "Can men wear jumpsuits?"

Lauren: "If you're a ghostbuster."

"Whisky's for my bones, cream corn is for everything else." -- Ryan Hall

"What do you take when it's ripe?" --Me

"Most things." -- Abby Ince

"This is why I am the way that I am, because I stab the things I love." -- Abby Ince

"We need to build the wall with Mexico not to keep anybody out, but to keep Taco Bell's nacho fries in." -- Joe Pasek

"The closer my life gets to Silent Hill, the worse my life becomes." -- Josh Lippert

"I wouldn't mind growing wings, but I wouldn't use them to fly. I'd use them to hit people." -- MikeT

"You should be ready for the opposite of a nap...which I think is kayaking." -- Zada Scott

"Volcanoes are just mountains you can't trust." -- Tim Rosko

"Deaf people are DJ's all the time." -- Rob Gordon

"That's why I burned my house down. Can't be comfy on a pile of ashes." -- Yotam Haimberg

"I never hit the brakes in the D car." -- Ryan Hall

"I am the Darth Vader of coffee." -- Francisco Souki (wearing a coffee pot on his head)

"I identify as a bearded man." -- Abby Ince

Jared: "You gotta live in the now."
Mike G: "Pshh."
Jared: "What Mike? You don't like livin in the now?"
Mike G: "Fuck the now."

"Pug nose. Pug butt. I've read everything I can about this pug." -- Harley White-Wiedow

"Boat implies dingy. Ship implies glory." -- Dave Bennett

Me: "Why do we break the things we love?"

Matty D: "I think because it's fun."

"There is no bathroom. There is only the ocean." -- Melanie Harke

"I still remember that time that motherfucker Greg peed in me. I'm gonna get that Greg." -- Roger Dillon

Gabe: I'm below average height.
Evan: That was important back when you needed to swing an axe in a man's face.

Me: In a thousand years, no one will remember you.
Gabe: Unless you're Marcus Aurelius.
Me: Even he will be dust.
Gabe: No, that shit's on DVD.

"I'm a reverse dolphin." -- Yotam Haimberg

"I am never more at one with nature than when I'm pissing into a stream." -- MikeT

"My second favorite football player is that foolish young man." -- Reagan Heller

"I basically am a patch of birthmarky darkness." -- Alex Pizzinni

"One of us is a diplomat. The other, is an asshole." -- Yotam Haimberg

"I get off on enabling werewolves." -- Ryan Hall

"I am a man of strong conviction. That conviction just happens to be Darth Jar Jar." -- Yotam Haimberg

"I like peanut butter in the appropriate places." -- Kirsten Rispen

"I know I'm a person who looks better with more clothes on." -- Patrick Jalbert